Chiang Mai/Chiang Rai

A note before we continue: It is imperative to describe our method of transportation. Pedro (who is well known for his traits of height), and Danny (who is well known for his bodily measurements) are handling a petite package on their back. In their backpacks one may find all treasures of the backpack traveler, inclusive of: Water filters, designer shirts, tuxedos, nets, sprays, containers, and plenty of cologne...

On the other hand, the other two travelers in the group, the TRUE backpackers, carry around backpacks that could easily contain the other two backpacks, as well as the people who carry them, with room to spare.

The joke of the day: Tiran has his own pillow, his winter gloves (for those cold wintery Thailand 85 degree nights) and underwear to fit a Karen tribe in its entirety. Tiran makes the crucial decision to contribute two pairs of Jeans and 7 pairs of white ugly underwear to the staff of the Sheraton Hotel. The suprise they must have had on their face should have been worthy of a National Geographic page.

Due to Guy's lack of biceps, triceps and other miscellaneous muscles necessary to carry 450 lbs. of backpacking, Pedro assures the minimization of weight by randomly tearing away pages from the bundles of magazines Guy tends to carry with him. This act of weight-minimization usually takes place at the weeny hours of the night.

Ohhh: Guy's concern of the weight, and Danny's apparent attraction to his shoes, yield a business transaction in which Guy agrees to have sold the boots. Not knowing if he will be required to use, he then agrees to re-lend them for the purpose of the remainder of the trip. However, from this moment on, the shoes Guy is wearing are borrowed, and Danny conveys unusual attention to Guys own personal safety...

So we continue with Guy's sold-borrowed shoes, Tiran's half-empty-of-cloths-backpack, Pedro's water distillation system backpack and Danny's miniature backpack (which, as you shall witness, is full of surprises):

Arrival At Chiang-Mai Airport

As we approached Chiang Mai airport, we were reading the newspaper's front page about the Thailand Air crash in a small city (as large as Chiang Mai). This compounded our feeling of trust and security, aimed at the pilot and his fellow compatriots at the helms of the took-took (oops! Sorry: The airplane. The reason for the confusion is that some took tooks drive faster than the airplanes here)

Picking up our "luggage", Danny discovered his backpack was penetrated. All his foreign investments (foreign currency) was taken by a Thai, probably in need, for a most probably good purpose.

We went to the taxi pickup counter, and enrolled for a taxi-pickup service: 200 Bahts. Here we first met Frisbyhead, and his newlywed (not for long) shitface. Frisbyhead (constantly carrying a yamaka) and Shitface (who is a constant complainer of all things known to mankind) will be seeking accommodations. So the 6 of us took a van to Chiang Mai. Not knowing we would assume the position of tour guides of our own, we began seeking the guest house (thanna) in the small dark alleys of Chiang Mai. Our respectfull driver had no idea where he was, or where he was going, so the $500 worth of traveller guide books came in very handy. (In weight, these books provided ample grounding of their courriers). Finally, and midnight, we arrived at Thanna.

The respectful guests (us) were being awaited EAGERLY. How many guests come to a backpackers alley, as the result of a reservation made by the Sheraton Sukumvit concierge ? It is important to understand that for the purpose of illustration: A hotel costing $200 a night provides significantly much much much more that a $2 guesthouse on Kausan rd. The much enjoyable scent of sewage is missing from the Sheraton.

Fellow travellers at the guesthouse, who inquired about our whereabouts while in Bangkok, were provided a standard answer: "We took a hotel with crummy service, and the hot water in the washing quarters (referring to the hot bath/Jacuzzi) were not hot enough, we had to travels in order to get food (referring to the open buffet).

The faces of sympathy, as a result of this glum depiction, were comforting. We were cautious at revealing the fact that we FLEW from Bangkok to ChiangMai. Of course, the truly backpackers' way to travel is the 12 hour bus/train ride. The 50 minute flight is truly not a "cool" way to travel. And the luxury of spending 5000 U.S. cents ($50) is more than your top-notch-backpacker would even consider. (compared to the 100 Baht = 300 U.S. cents = $3 train/bus ride)

[THIS IS AN OFFICIAL MESSAGE]
We are at a small "restaurant" in Chiang Mai, recollecting our voyages, at the E-mail station, ordering our breakfast. Pedro is cautious about his oral-intake, due to increased prophylactic outbreak of his rectal output). Fear not - wherever we go, how primitive the conditions are - E-mail can be reached from anywhere: The villagers might not have water, gas, or food. But prioritization yields an amusing availability of E-mail services at the most obscure of places.
[END OF OFFICIAL MESSAGE]

Upon arrival at Thanna guest house, we seeked our old companion - Dalit - a girl we had met in Bangkok - who was a promising companion, well expected and desired for. Pedro displayed an evident inclination to randez-vous with her (The following has been manually dicated by Pedro: "He then looked at a picture of his girlfriend, and immediately knew where his true love is". END OF DICTATION)

Upon arrival at Thanna, we discovered, to our amazement, that our much anticipated companion, has sought out another Don-Juan. Pedro was crushed. Tiran was in shambles. Guy was crying for hours. Danny couldn't care less.

Recouping our losses, we then commenced a summit of our own: The managers (we are 4 poeple/indians, therefore there are 4 managers/chiefs) of our group, were utterly confused: What should we do? Should we travel on our own? Should we took-took our way around? Should we be guided. After intense negotiations, and a decision handed down democratically (by way of brute force of the more muscular members of our group) the verdict was in: a 3 day/2 night 4x4 jeep trip (Suzuki) through the deep mountain jungle terrain of Northwest Thailand.

Thailand

Heading to Chiang-Mai

We booked a flight to Chiang-Mai for the three of us (Guy, Tiran and Pedro) when we were accosted by a stranger: "Danny". This Canadian/African native attacked us during breakfast at the Sheraton Sukomvit and demanded our company. We reluctently agreed, hoping we could ditch the unused body in a Bangkok ditch. However, this man was so overwhelming powerful in his negotiating skills (and he is also very powerful/strong man) that we happily had him join us for the rest of the trip.

The day of the flight to the north - Saturday - we decided we must quickly complete a day of Bangkok sightseeing. There were many things for us to do, sights to see, and women to accost. So we woke up early in the morning of Saturday (7:00 AM). Danny was at our door at 7:07 AM with his backpack, shaking the sleeping beauties out of bed. We made a firm promise to leave the hotel within 15-20 minutes. We were completely faithful to this promise, except we need to undergo one more AUTHENTIC Thai experience: An over-priced Thai massage at the most expensive hotel in Thailand. So we quickly jumped down to the first floor, thus experiencing a true Thai cultural bondage, and registered for an authentic Thai massage.

Pedro elected the Electrolyte Thai Treatment (certainly the Karen tribe of the north of Thailand are well aware of the advantages of Electrolytes). Guy enlisted onto the Aroma Therapy. Tiran was enrolled to the TRUE Thai Traditional massage. Danny, on the other hand, embarked on a journey to pick up his specially ordered suit. All these arrangements fell into place in our quest for a TRULY AUTHENTIC day in Bangkok. At 2:30 PM we all met for lunch at the hotel. A truly TRADITIONAL AUTHENTIC $100 Thai lunch inclusive of truly Thai Japanese Sushi, truly Thai Italian food and truly Thai and truly Thai Indian food. Truly a authentic experience, at a non Thai price.

Knowing that our comrades on Kausan road (where the backpackers - mostly Israelis - reside) were experiencing a Thai experience of their own, was very comforting. In light of our Nouveau-Riche accommodation, we experienced great sorrow at the fact that we had missed the chance to sleep on top of Bangkok's sewage system, and expose ourselves to Malaria
infested Pathai dishes.

(As Tiran types up this note, Pedro is commencing the primary stages of Thai convulsion attacks)

We made sure to visit Kausan road after our truly Thai lunch experience, to make sure we remain in touch with the backpackers. We picked up our film from development, and rented a taxi to the Airport.

By the way: We decided we need the mechanics to be able to easily pay for "community" expenses, so we set up what we termed: "The pension fund". Every person makes an equal deposit into the war-chest, and common expenses (rental, accommodations, etc) are paid from the pension fund.

Hong Kong

Updated from Hong Kong: We started by disembarking at Hong Kong into the YMCA hotel, also known as the Salisbury. YMCA sounds cheap, doesn't it? Try $200 US for the "suite" which includes a comfortable double bed (immediately assigned to TJ and Guy) and a spring-loose sofa (immediately assigned to the unfortunate Pedro).

Sharing the room helps reduce the stiff rent, but we have been extremely successful in going over our daily budget. We have stopped eating, in order to afford these accommodations. The view, however, is amazing. A huge window facing the harbor: All of Hong-Kong's island skyscrapers are immediately at our disposal. The Star Ferry is under the hotel, and it takes you to Hong-Kong. (FYI - Hong Kong "city" is a compilation of several islands: Hong-Kong Island, Kowloon, Lantau and New Territories, and more).

The first thing we did, as sensible tourists that we are, is to go to sleep. Guy and TJ woke up early enough to take a tour through the neighboring streets of Tsim Sha Tsui district - the most touristic area of Kowloon. The main drag - Nathan Rd. - has so many neon lights; it's not funny. The electrical bill here must be phenomenal.

After 10 minutes of walk, we decided to head back to the hotel. TJ and Guy took a bet - which way back to the hotel. Guy said "this way" and TJ said "exactly the opposite direction". After walking 500 feet in Guy's direction, turning right, walking 800 feet, turning right, another 400 feet and turning right, we finally arrived safely at the hotel.
(Looking through the hotel lobby door, the point of origin was clearly visible)

Pedro, waking up at 8:30 PM, joined us at this time. We had great plans to see Victoria Peak. So we began our journey across the channel to Hong-Kong Island. Got lost at the subway system. Found out we need to buy a MRT pass; Took the MRT to Hong-Kong Island, had a great Japanese dinner, and by 10:30 PM we were ready for our trip to Victoria Peak. After walking around the streets, we found a couple of policemen, who gently pointed out to the fact that Victoria peak has been closed for 4 hours, and we should reconsider.

Satisfied that we can compensate ourselves the next day for all the things we were not able to accomplish, we went back to our room and went to bed.

At 2:30 AM that night, the phone rings. TJ doesn't really remember answering the phone. Accustomed to propositional (prostitutional) phone calls in the far east, we were really weary that the caller, who claimed her name was Kim, was actually a prostitute. So we ignored the call and went back to sleep. 5 minutes later, the prostitute knocked on the door. We didn't really want to shake ourselves out of bed, so we let her knock. and knock. and knock.

After we realized the woman was persistent, we started to like her, so we went to the door. The woman at the door seemed awfully like Kim - Guy's friend from FDU. She also sounded like her, and claimed she WAS HER.

It was Kim.



There was no room for Kim. At this time of the night we were not prepared, nor at our full capacity, to entertain a woman. Knowing very well that the only available space in the room was the sofa (since TJ and Guy occupied the double bed) - Pedro had to undertake the unwanted task: To reduce living space, and share it with a real WOMAN?@?@#$ (this time it wasn't a lady boy).

Pedro made several attempts to verify that Kim was NOT a lady boy. These were recounted by severe reaction from the lady mentioned above. (Please note: Pedro's photo of his girlfriend was promptly flashed at several instances in order to justify his actions).

We now discovered that Teddy (Danny) had a substitute. Although it was obvious that several physical traits would not be at our disposal, as in the past - she had the advantage of proper cushioning, and complementary sexual orientation. (Though not yet verifiably so).

Tuesday, Dec 29 1998

We took it upon ourselves to accomplish as much Hong-Kong sightseeing as possible. And therefor we commenced our fully planned day with a early wakeup at 11:00 AM. (Kim, the jet-lagged traveler, consistently shook us out of our beds, only to see these attempts fail miserably). Having traveled 28 hours to see us and Hong Kong, signs of apparent dismay were clearly visible on her face.

At noon we were finally prepared to go. We went to 7 travel agencies, in quest of travel arrangements to Vietnam or China. Pedro abandoned us mid-quest, and we met him at the hotel. Realizing that at this time, no sightseeing was really accomplished - we decided to immediately continue at our travel-agency-quest. We arrived at "Time Travels" located at the Chungking Mansions.



It is important to describe the Chungking MANSION. The mansion is a 17 story building, located in the middle of the most touristic area of Kawloon. A quote from the lonely planet: "There is probably no other place in the world like Chungking Mansion. The bottom end accommodation ghetto of Hong Kong...an eyesore...a fire trap...occasional midnight police raids (mostly looking for illegal immigrants)."




Victoria Peak (32001 bytes) However, this building offers the most affordable accommodations in Hong Kong - $6-$15 per person, a night. Some of the guest houses (and there are more than 100 of them in this complex) are pretty nice. The one we choose is the best in the building: The Traveller's hostel, located in the 16th floor. Dave (who usually wears a green shirt) will provide you with the best of service. Dave is a rugged rebel from Britain, whose desires are to become a pirate one day. That's probably the reason he is travelling these murky waters.
This is the famous view from Victoria Peak at the Hong Kong island.

Most people takes the also famous Peak Tram from Garden Rd up to the top of Victoria Peak. The view is quite impressive, especially in the evening! Most backpackers live just beside the Holiday Inn hotel at Kowloon. Well, the standard of the block of Chunking Mansion isn't
exactly like Holiday Inn... But there is a lot of guest houses and the cheapest accomodation for budget travellers.

Next door is the travel agency: Time Travel. They provide efficient service, although Mr. Kwok became breathless after 5 seconds of dealing with us, trying to service all the people in the room, bouncing phone calls, filling out forms - all while writing his biography and eating Chinese food with both hands.

The prices they found were great: $350 for a ticket from Canton (Guangzhou) to Hanoi/Vietnam, and back. We will get to Canton by bus or train.

The only problem is TJ's Israeli passport. Because of him, we need to go to the embassy in person, and he has to go through an interview.

To sum up the first two days in Hong Kong. We say many travel agencies.

Here are the things we PLANNED to do, but did not do (yet)


We did not go to the amazing Computer Market in Mongkok


We did not eat authentic Hong Kong lunch (or any lunch whatsoever -


since we are saving money for our trip, and using the funds to pay for


our deluxe quarters at the YMCA).


We did not see any museum


We did not go to the national park


We did not go to the red light district


We did not go to ocean park


We did not ride a trolley (the most widely used means of transportation


here).

That's alot to accomplish in the remaining days.

Kim promises to wake us up. (That used to be Danny's job).
TTFN (Ta Ta For Now)
The Gang.

P.S. As we were writing this note, a huchimama, or mamichula approached us. She asked us if we were need of sexual favors. When we replied that we did not, since we had enough in Thailand she insisted. She then went ahead and came next to the computer. Well, actually she didn't do anything written above. We actually called here, knowing that any move she makes will be translated in this diary into dirty lies.

Huchimama's name is Keren - Or. She claims to be from France, but after 5 minutes of conversation with Pedro, and after he discussed with her the fact that he is sick and tired of meeting so many Israelis, we discovered she IS ISRAELI. (That's not a joke). It seems that Pedro is seeking the photo of his girlfriend, knowing the thought racing through his mind.

Now, as we put this note to a closing, huchimamma's companion - an Australian-skydiver-looking "bloke" (Paul) approached us. He offered free sexual favours (much cheaper than Keren's) and persisted. His beard seemd a very attractive option over Keren (and a much harder behind ). Also, Keren's shave is not as smooth.

We are at our final point of writing. TJ's fingers are on fire. All of us are hungry engough to eat Hong Kong food (which includes insects and other such stuff). We hope to get the above mentioned

New Years Eve

The time is 1 in the morning. We have been gravely disappointed by the Hong Hong celebration of the New Year. The was no visible countdown. We did get a chance to view 4.5 million people exiting the metro system at 11;30 at night and 4.5 million people re-entering the same subway station an hour later. We now are back to Kowloon, and are at an authentic Chinese restaurant, going to eat pig feet and dog breast.

Pedro is insisting to question the waiter about the availability of sushi, while Kim is explaining that a Chinese restaurant does not serve Japanese food.

The members of the team at this moment are: the magic trio (TJ, Guy, Pedro), Kim (Who has joined us in Hong Kong) and Keren or (about whom an explanation will follow):

Keren entered our room at ChangKing Mansions yesterday. Her intriguing accent (and impressive breasts) struck the immediate attention of Pedro's wanting eyes. Eye was certain that this tourist was French. After briefly discussing the fact that both of them had been traveling the far east for a long period of time, Pedro mentioned how annoyed he was by the ever potent presence of so many Israelis in the Far East. (Of course it turned out that Keren IS ISRAELI).

At 11:00 PM we parted the "hotel" room, and took the scary 16-floor elevator ride downstairs (scary because you are never certain you will arrive safely). Outside the entrance passage was a crowd of people, who were herding back and forth. The police were very well prepared, and crowd control was optimized: Each side of the street you were allowed to walk in only one direction. Each entrance to the MTR (metro) was dedicated to either incoming out outgoing crowds. We heard that Lan Fai Wok (CHECK) is an area in Hong Kong Island with the best bars and activities, so we decided to head up there.

At 11:30 PM we boarded a ferry (the four of us and Keren and Dave - aka Robert,Paul, and Derek), from Kowloon to Hong Kong Island. From this moment on, the function of movement from one place to another was completely out of our control. We could only allow ourselves to be carried away by the immense crowd going into the center of the "action". 3 blocks away from our destination we discovered that the police were diverting the crowd in a large circle, so that it would take us several hours to get to the "times square".

There was no apparent count down to 1999 (note: the next day TJ watched the countdown on CNN that we missed be being only a few city blocks away). We joined in with the locals by screaming at all of the passing vehicles. Then, the crowds of millions were suddenly absorbed back into the MRT after midnight. We made our way back to Kowloon via ferry and then went to a wonderful Chinese restaurant where only Kim and Keren dared to eat the food (see above - Pedro still wanted Sushi).

Our group dissipated after the meal to either go to sleep early, go out for beers, or dance until the break of dawn at a Mafia club.

Thaliand

We spend 2 weeks in Thailand, and it was probably the best experience in terms of food and people we met. Thai people smile non-stop, and welcome new friends with open arms.


"TukTuk"


The preferred method of transportation around Bangkok. For 40-70 Baht (the equivalent of $1 - $2), one can travel from one end of the city to the other. This is a remodeled mop-ed, with noise abound, and stink without compare. The experience of sitting in a TukTuk, in rush hour traffic in bangkok, when everyone else's air-conditionar exhaust is blowing on your face - that is definitely roughing it!!


Pedro is not the kind of person you should mess around with... When he discovered we were not provided the wake-up call we asked for, the hotel was going to pay dearly.... We got one free night at the Sheraton Sukomvit, and additional nights for $80 a night (less than $30 per person for a luxurious hotel!)


He was also convinced that his calling card should be working. So he spent $450 in phone calls to Sprint's customer service line to fight with them and explain that the lack of access to his calling card is costing him dearly.


Pedro - we love you!